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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22521127">Only Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathRN26/pseuds/cathRN26'>cathRN26</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Only [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Diary/Journal, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, More tags to be added, POV First Person, basically it's Keith writing letters to James</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:14:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,934</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22521127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathRN26/pseuds/cathRN26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>June 14, 2118</i>
</p><p>
  <i>James,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>It’s been exactly six months since you left.<br/>I still miss you just as much as the first day.  And I love you just as much as I always have.<br/>Maybe more.  Definitely more.<br/>I just want to see you again.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>-	Keith</i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Griffin/Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) &amp; Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Only [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580098</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 2117</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please read the other parts of this series first bc this literally won't make any sense without it!!!  Ty  :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>December 14, 2117</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When you wake up, you are so dead.  I can’t believe you, leaving me with a newborn baby and then passing out right after.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Also, you left the fucking stove on.  You could’ve burnt down the whole house.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on you.  I mean, you did deliver the baby without any pain killers or anesthetics.  I’d probably pass out, too, if I were in that situation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please wake up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>December 15, 2117</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m so sorry.  I love you.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>December 25, 2117</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s Bella’s first Christmas.  I guess that’s not too much of an accomplishment, since it’s only been about two weeks since she was born.  I wanted to go to town to get her something, but I was too afraid to leave her alone.  I ended up just singing a few Christmas songs to her, but I doubt she’ll remember anyways.  If you were still here, things would be a lot easier.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>God, I really miss you.  I’ve just been so out of it lately.  I never realized how much of an anchor you were to me until now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope you’re doing better than I am.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>December 31, 2117</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jamie,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Happy almost New Year!  It’s nearly midnight and Bella’s been keeping me up all day.  I’m exhausted.  I don’t know how my dad did this when I was a baby.  I guess he still had my mom around when I was first born, but still.  This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, especially after losing you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You know, spending all this time with Bella has made me notice how much she looks like you.  She’s got your hair and your smile.  She has your nose, too.  And her eyes – actually, they’re like a mix of both of ours.  Like, they change in the light.  Sometimes they’re blue-gray, sometimes they’re violet.  It’s really pretty.  You would love them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’d love her, too.  She’s such a sweetheart.  I wish you were here to see.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Miss you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I've been so excited about this bc I've discovered that I LOVE writing in a diary entry style and writing AS Keith is?  Surprisingly easy?  I've never done it before but honestly it was so much fun and flowed so well!  It's much easier to write than normal narrative because it's a lot more emotional and it doesn't need to have proper grammar or sound "poetic" all the time, so it was quite therapeutic.  Anyways I haven't finished all the chapters bc college is keeping me busy, but I've been working on and off since around Christmas so I have like 8 or so already done!  Idk how often I'll update but we'll see I suppose.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2118</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>January 14, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s been a while since I last wrote to you.  I guess I’ve been so caught up in being a dad that I forgot to be a husband.  Hah.  Sorry, Jamie.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyways, things are going pretty well.  Bella is growing to be pretty strong and healthy, especially considering that we don’t have any formula to feed her.  Sucks, but I guess that’s just how things are now.  At least my dad kept all my old baby stuff.  I don’t know what I’d do if he didn’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She also hasn’t shown any signs of the disease yet.  I hope she at least lives through the first year.  I don’t know what I’d do if I lost both of you so soon.  I think I’d just kill myself, too, at that point.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sorry for being a downer.  I just need to vent.  Writing to you is really nice, even if I know I’ll never get a response.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love you, always.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>January 23, 2118 </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had a nightmare.   I’ve been having them every night since Bella was born, but tonight, it was really bad.  I woke up crying.  I’m still shaking.  I’ll try to explain as best as I can, before it slips from my memory.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was standing in the middle of an ocean.  It seemed endless and I couldn’t see any signs of land.  The water was only to my knees.  There were storm clouds above me and thunder in the distance, but no rain.  I was calling out for you until my voice grew hoarse and my throat hurt.</em>
</p><p><em>You yelled my name and I saw you standing really far away, holding Bella.  I tried to run to you, but the water started rising to my waist and I couldn’t move very fast.  You know when you try to run in water, and it’s really heavy and you feel like your limbs weigh a thousand pounds?  That’s what it was like.  I tried swimming, but everything felt heavy and I could barely stand.  No matter how far I ran, it seemed like you got </em>further<em> away.  I could still hear you calling my name and Bella crying.</em></p><p><em>Then lightning struck and suddenly</em> I<em> was holding a crying Bella.  I looked around for you and saw you walking away from me.  I tried to follow you, but the water kept rising higher and higher until it reached my elbows.  I was struggling to walk, and the water was almost touching Bella.  You kept getting further away.  I yelled at you to stop, but you kept walking, like you didn’t even hear me.  Then a big wave crashed onto me and I woke up.</em></p><p>
  <em>I don’t know what it means.  I don’t really care.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I miss you so, so much, Jamie.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>March 21, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s spring now.  Bella’s getting really big.  She’s a really happy baby, now that she’s a little older.  She looks even more like you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Especially her hair.  She has a lot of hair for a baby, you know that?  Like, almost a full head of hair.  It’s crazy.  Her hair is the same color as yours and it kind of feels the same.  Maybe a little softer, but that’s baby hair, I guess.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She even has your stupid hair fringe.  The hair that just falls on the one side of your face?  Yeah, that.  I tried to style it to look like mine, but it wouldn’t stay.  It just reverted back to yours.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looks so much like you.  When I look at her, I feel really happy because it feels like you’re still here.  Like you’re a piece of her, somehow, which I guess you are.</em>
</p><p><em>But it also makes me sad, because it’s a reminder that you’re </em>not<em> here.  It’s just me and her.</em></p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>May 27, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jamie,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bella rolled over!  All by herself!  I’m so proud of her.  I know you would be, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>June 14, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s been exactly six months since you left.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I still miss you just as much as the first day.  And I love you just as much as I always have.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe more.  Definitely more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just want to see you again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>July 11, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Happy birthday, Jamie.  You’d be twenty-nine today.  You’re basically an old man.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I guess I shouldn’t say that, considering that I’m older than you.  Oh well.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bella and I made a cake for you to celebrate.  Well, I made the cake.  She sat in her high chair watching.  Vanilla with strawberry buttercream, your favorite.  She smashed it after we finished, though.  Sorry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It still tastes good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>July 23, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jamie,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bella started crawling today!  I set her down on the blankets in the living room and went to get her food ready when I heard her babbling.  I thought she was just really loud but then I felt her tugging on the bottom of my pants and hitting my shoe with her hands.  Scared the crap out of me at first.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’s really fast.  I’m kind of scared for when she starts walking.  Actually, make that really scared.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She also started teething.  Like, a lot.  She cries sometimes because her gums hurt, I think.  She keeps chewing on her toys and the blankets.  She tried to chew on your old dog tags.  You know, from your necklace?  Yeah, that thing is probably filthy, I don’t want that in her mouth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyways, I can already tell she’s gonna be a handful.  Wish me luck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>- Keith</em>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>August 10, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jamie,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Happy fifth anniversary, Jamie.  I wish you were here to celebrate with me, but instead it’s just me and Bella, drinking a bottle of wine all alone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just to clarify, I’m the only one drinking the wine.  I gave Bella some grape juice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please don’t kill me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>August 30, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>SHE SAID “DADA”!!!  BELLA CALLED ME “DADA”!!!</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>September 8, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You know, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.  I mean, I do that every day already, but I’ve been wondering where you are.  Is there a heaven?  A hell?  Some other form of the afterlife?  Have you been reincarnated in another universe?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ve never been a religious person, but being alone like this has got me thinking.  I really don’t like the idea of you just being… gone.  Like, your soul and consciousness not existing anymore just because you’re dead?  It hurts and it makes me sad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t know which I’d prefer to imagine: you living it up in some form of heaven, waiting for me and Bella, or being reincarnated into the body you’ve always wanted.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know it probably sounds selfish, but I think I’d prefer the first one, because the idea of you being born again as a baby while I’m still here as an old man is kind of infuriating.  Maybe it’s just because I’m thinking too much into it, but if I die of natural causes, then I’ll still be alive for a long time, and by the time I die and get reincarnated myself, you’ll have probably met someone else and fallen in love and I don’t want you being with someone that isn’t me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Okay, I started rambling for a second there.  Sorry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But seriously, I hope you’re like my guardian angel.  Are you watching me right now?  Are you watching Bella?  Can you see me writing this?  Wait, can you read my thoughts?  Are these letters to you pointless because you already know what I’m thinking?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even if you can read my mind, I like writing these letters to you.  It calms me and clears my mind.  It kind of feels like you’re still here and I’m just talking to you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or maybe I’m just going insane with how much I miss you.  Have I told you that yet?  I miss you.  I really do.  I’ll never stop missing you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>October 23, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Guess I’m the old man now.  I turned thirty today.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For some reason, I thought this would be more exciting.  I think part of that is because I thought you’d be spending it with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you remember what you said about turning thirty?  How it was one of the most important milestones?  Yeah, you’re a liar.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I forgive you, though.  I could never stay mad at you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you.  You better be wishing me a happy birthday, wherever you are.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>November 9, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jamie,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s winter and it’s getting really cold now.  I was looking for some warmer clothes to dress Bella with and I found the black lion onesie that you were so excited to see her in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just so you know, she looks adorable.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>December 14, 2118</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bella had a great first birthday today.  I can’t believe it’s already been a year since she was born, and a year since you left.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It still hurts.  A lot.  I feel like a part of me is gone forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On a lighter note, I showed Bella some pictures of us.  Like, you and me.  She’s starting to talk more and can say different words, but not full sentences yet.  When I flipped through the photos, she mostly just pointed out the colors or called things “pretty”.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then I got to our wedding photo.  She pointed to you and said, “Dada”.  Not me, you.  She called you “Dada”.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I started crying again.  I had to put her down for her nap after that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I miss you so fucking much.  Just thought I’d let you know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Keith</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Posting two parts at a time bc the first one was short ^_^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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